Raw and uncensored like tasty sushi

time is on my hands

2010-02-21T15:35:23Z

So I find myself with several hours today in which I have no plans. I don't necessarily want to do anything too involved and I really don't want to be just sitting at home. Anyone want to go somewhere and do something or want me to visit them?

Hair today

2010-02-02T20:25:17Z

I am so tired of my hair falling out. I may shave it shorter this weekend.

A glimpse of life today

2010-02-02T05:34:54Z

So Sooper injured his back trying to put on pants yesterday. I made him take it easy and ice it. It got worse as the night went on and he didn't go into work today and I ended up taking him to the ER. He had pretty much the same injury I had to my back in July and was treated worse than I was. The doctor spent all of 2 minutes in the room examining him, gave him scripts for drugs and muscle relaxers, and we left. I at least had xrays and an iv. He had crackers and pills and we had to ask for the crackers. We then went to lunch, got meds, went on an epic adventure to finally buy a webcam and came home. We were a pretty pathetic pair yesterday and today. I am utterly tired from being in pain myself and both of us trying to nurse eachother we were a mess.

The webcam is for what I would like to start as a video blog. It will have some cancer chat, random topics to talk about, humor, and sadness. It may not last long or I could have a following on the interwebz.

My hair is falling out faster now. I lost a chunk today, not in one spot like a bare spot but just more all over. Every day I contemplate my wig choices. Eventually I am just gonna shave it off, if it doesn't all fall out, and I will film it more than likely. I will also make sure I have lots of pictures of my hair so if I have a hard day I can look at it but my hair was never anything to write home about it before, it was always thin. The best it ever looked was at Emily's wedding. Maybe it will come back better and fuller and happier.

Sooper and I watched the chowdown countdown on the travel channel yesterday, it was basically the top 100 places and amazing food to eat. A 50lbs hamburger, a 7lb burrito, and barbecue spaghetti. This is what i wanted to make for dinner tonight and I ended up making meatballs with no name as yet instead. I will make them again either for a potluck or more dinners in the future they were sooo good. I just need to get some grape jelly for next time.

Snow...I enjoy it and like playing in it.........it's supposed to snow around 3 pm tomorrow....and Saturday too. I guess I should go get a few groceries.

Valentines Day...my mother arrives for her visit. So Sooper and I will do something on the 13th maybe.

Jobs..still searching.

I guess that's enough rambling for one night.

Addiction: Music

2010-01-25T20:53:35Z

I have fallen in love with a song from a videogame. I think it's because the main character is a bespeckled and I have a bit of a librarian thing. The song is called "In for the Kill" (Skream Lets Get Ravey Remix) by La Roux. Mmm it's all the commercial's fault. I'm checking out more music from them and also what other people who buy them also buy. The musical floodgates are opening and I'm afraid my ipod will be full in no time!

Life update (some TMI may occur)

2010-01-25T17:28:04Z

Point 1: So I had my interview on Friday and I was told it went well. I always feel like I am too honest about stuff. I won't hear about getting it or not getting it until Wednesday.

Point 2: My unemployment is being screwy. Hopefully it will get sorted out or I'll get the job. If my unemployment doesn't get sorted out or I don't get the job I will be a poor sad panda.

Point 3: I am so tired of chemo nose and chemo eyes. (daily bloody noses with a cold on top. my nose is having that time of year. Also my eyes water like an ocean daily)

Point 4: Saturday my house was invaded by family and some clutter was thoroughly conquered in my nursery. My mom can now almost sleep comfortably once I put sheets, pillows and a blanket on the bed. I feel bad because I don't have a bed frame or box spring but I am trying to remedy this. I feel like my mom is a prisoner sleeping on a mattress on the floor. What kind of daughter am I making my mom sleep on the floor? Well she requested it.

Point 5: Vitae was good. I now have a question none of my previous characters have ever had to deal with. It's kind of refreshing and frustrating at the same time. yay!

Point 6: Today is the 5th anniversary of my father's death. I would hope he'd be proud and happy with what I have done with my life and where I am and what I'm doing, even if he didn't tell me he was proud of me like ever. I seemingly was always a disappointment.

Point 7: Finding a balance between being a cancer patient, a woman, a lover, and a wife is a really hard balance. My life for the last 2 months has been totally about my cancer. Cancer isn't sexy. It's hard to find the energy, the passion, and the mindset to be a woman and wife sometimes. I know everyone who doesn't have cancer deals with this too so I know I'm not alone. I just feel like Sooper and I are on different roads and it scares me that we have taken different paths and are alone. Sunday was a most of the day snugglefest, something we needed badly. We so needed to be close and reconnect. There is nothing better than a tangle of limbs, warmth, kissing, and a feeling of completeness. I love my hubby sooo much.

Hope for Haiti Now---Fangirl Squee Edition etc.

2010-01-23T02:35:36Z

We are watching the Haiti thing on TV and all I can think is which celebrity may answer my call. Ringo Starr, Ben Affleck, Julia Roberts, and others are waiting to take your money for this cause. The music so far as been bad but Sooper and I watching for amusement not because we have money to give. If only this had been a week later we may be able to help.

I had my job interview today and I thought it went well. The interviewer woman seemed happy with the interview and I feel like I asked good questions. I'll find out on Wednesday. Since it's just a part time job I don't know how many people she has to interview.

On another note I am getting the Sherlock Holmes soundtrack and I noticed that it didn't have the credit song so I got that too. I am also thinking of getting new music from a band I had never heard of until Christmas. The band is called Bat for Lashes and the main singer is sort of a cross between Tori Amos, Bjork, and Evanescence. Anyone have any thing to say about them? Peaked interest?

We will more than likely be at Vitae on Sat. Hope to see you there.

We also got the dog bed and put it together. Hoping we can get him used to it and he likes it. Tonight may be a rough one if we can't get him to use it tonight. I am hoping if we put something familiar in the bed like his bone or his old bed he will stay there. Here's to hoping we get some sleep and don't throttle the loveable pup.

Job stuff.

2010-01-20T22:42:17Z

I have an interview for a part time job on Friday. Hopefully this works out. It would make me most happy.

Pet peeves

2010-01-16T10:44:38Z

Pet peeves. So Tequila is an all star chewer. I have had it with his bed chewing ways. Anyone have any ballistic nylon, kevlar, heavy canvas, Cordura, or other strength related fabric on hand? I didn't think so.

I am thinking about a different bed set up, instead of a filled sac of batting stuff with an outer cover I am thinking of getting a bed frame of pvc or metal that supports his weight so it's off the ground and still comfy. I may still sew up the old one and spray it with bitter apple as a last ditch effort if the new bed doesn't work out. It hadn't occurred to me before tonight that this may help as well with the chewing.

I would have hoped at 10 years of age that he would have grown out of his chewing habits. This is not something that should be keeping me up at night. I can't have him sleeping with us every night. I have a perma-toddler and it's time for a big boy bed if ever there was a time. I hope he likes the money I will be spending on his comfort because I really have other expenses to worry about right now and not having to pick up or worry about him choking on batting may be the best money I have spent all year. Cost of new bed versus intestine surgery for the win!

Maybe I can sleep now after the research I just did. Also in unrelated news bacon is tasty, I have heartburn, and really want donuts, or maybe bacon, egg, and cheese on a donut... or a rubix sandwich
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/post/150928362/the-rubix-cubewich-via-insanewiches
tasty dreams everyone.

A day in the life

2009-12-11T03:53:12Z

I realized that Tuesday John Lennon had been shot. I tried to avoid thinking about it and moved on with my day. I also realized that yesterday would have been his birthday. Some day in the future I want to go to his Central Park site and have a chat with anyone who may be there. Johna was all about love and peace so I don't feel like I would encounter someone full of hate, violence, or warful thoughts. But there are some crazy people in New York so it might just be wishful thinking.

In July I will be celebrating my 30th birthday and I want to have a big fun party with an 80's theme. I just want to think well ahead because thinking or making plans presently isn't working for me I want to daydream about how much fun the future will hold for me more than 6 months from now when I feel better and more alive.

I spent most of my day today with family. Sooper's mom and dad had brunch after my medical appointment, we then went christmas shopping for the nieces and nephews, then had coffee where sooper's sister and wife met us, we then went to walmart for more christmas shopping, then we had a girls dinner. I have hit my threshold for social interaction today and it will last for a bit or until around 7pm tomorrow.

Tommortow I have some job hunting to do and some cooking/baking for a party tomorrow night. I will then be going to a hannukah/potluck party at Sooper's co-workers house.

That is all for now.

New reume format

2009-11-11T22:56:42Z

I have come upon a new tactic for my job search! If only I was applying anywhere remotely dorky enough to use it.
http://www.geekologie.com/2009/11/clever_dd_character_sheet_styl.php

my world

2009-11-11T19:00:44Z

My biopsy is scheduled for Tuesday. We still think it's fat necrosis. I might have it out I might not, depends on the results.

I just want to focus on anything else but my boob right now. I am thinking of Thanksgiving and Christmas and have thoughts of pumpkin butter, soap, hats, candy, and fruitcake dancing in my head.

That is all for now. See some of you on Sat.

tonights dinner experiment

2009-11-09T21:48:26Z

Tonight's special is barbecued chicken, sweet potato, and red potato medallions, with onions, and cheese.

This dinner inspired by barbecue stuffed sweet potatoes. I'll let you know if it was a success.

Turkey Day etc.

2009-11-05T01:26:36Z

So what are everyone's plans for Turkey day?

I want to have a few people to my house or go to someone else's with my famous 20ish lb turkey of tastiness.

Also I have an appointment to be ultrasounded. I am not with child but may need surgery or some sort of other medical procedures after my scan tomorrow if it is something bad.

random morbid thoughts

2009-10-30T19:20:22Z

while sewing and listening to Lorenna McKennitt I had a random morbid thought. Women have a longer life expectancy than men usually. Does this change at all when compared with sexual orientation? Those who have undergone gender reassignment surgeries? Do people who have had them live longer or shorter life spans? Just some thoughts from a sewing crazed woman with time and thread on her mind.

fall has finally fallen.

2009-10-30T17:22:01Z

I used to have leaves on my trees but now they are on the porch and driveway and on my few remaining plants.

I have 75% of my costume for Roj and Meg's Party done. Also I have a numb finger and my stomach hurts. Sooper's costume is yet to be started but his doesn't require much if any sewing so it will be completed tonight and part of tomorrow if necessary. I have been sewing for 3 days now in preparation so people better enjoy my costume gosh darnit.

Still job hunting. Things are going ok for now I just want to make sure we keep up with bills and stuff. Life is good today. I'm calm and concentrating on sewing projects today I just really want candy!

Today is my sister's birthday and Meg and Roj's anniversary so it is a happy day to be alive for most people. Also happy birthday to Sabrina.

I have tandoori chicken in the crock pot for dinner. I will be watching RSVP at some point today and we will be watching more halloween movies later tonight and part of Sat.

I guess that is all for now, another update at some point.

stuff and things

2009-10-23T15:10:43Z

I had an interview yesterday and it went well. But when I came home I got a call from unemployment and I filled out something wrong and wouldn't be getting any check this week and I was upset because this weekend was supposed to be our anniversary weekend at the Renn Faire. It's tradition now.

I had a breakdown last night and it was something I was holding in and just didn't want to upset Sooper with my snot and tears. My knight had tissues, hugs, kisses, and rational advice that we deserved to have a good time because the last few months have blown goats, no offense to she-goats reading my journal.

Due to an anonymous benefactor I can do some grocery shopping and still get to go to the Faire on Sunday. Please come out with us and make it a good time.

I love my hubby and I'm trying not to be nervous about my interview at 12:30. Have to get dressed and ready for my interview then not sure what the afternoon holds.

wish me luck and see you Sunday at the Renn Faire, if you're not at the NVA game.

it's official, maybe

2009-10-19T16:07:28Z

I am depressed.
There just isn't a way around it.
I know that it is depression, but it may still not be, only because i haven't been diagnosed professionally.
I know my symptoms are most likely situational depression, or maybe stress induced depression,
but also I have a cold which makes them worse.

I have no energy, a headache, no motivation to do anything except read, watch a little tv, job search, and not a whole lot of money to get anything that may cheer me up. Has anyone found St. Johns Wort helpful?

My 2nd wedding anniversary is tomorrow and all I want is someone to clean my house a little, a nice dinner and/or a movie, or maybe even just a few hours at the Renn Faire with friends on Sunday but I have no money for this. Any day that is special in anyway in the last two years gets ruined somehow. I know the world doesn't revolve around me and not everyday will be sunny but could one good thing in my life happen this year? It doesn't even need to be job related, and I would like to save my pregnancy wish for 2010.

I want very little more than my hubby and house, I just want a stable job. When I am working I don't have time to be depressed, if that makes sense. I just have work to do and the normal stress of things isn't as bad when I can just say I can pay my bills and not play catch-up like I have been since June. The first two years of marriage aren't supposed to be the hardest I thought. For some reason they have been the worst years of my life except for maybe 60 days out of the last 730 days.

enough woe is me and complaining for today.

the life and times of a normal crazy woman (may contain emotional themes)

2009-10-04T20:19:42Z

I was grocery shopping at wegmans today and it was packed as usual, and then I found a spot to just stand in. I had what wasn't necessarily an epiphany, but just and overwhelming sense that everything in my life will be ok.

I was thinking about my job, my friends, the upcoming holidays, George Carlin, and The Universe in the same moment. I'm not sure why it was that grouping but it was. I was thinking that life really is too short to worry about a single job. I will be provided for through myself and others and there will always be a hand in my life that will guide me sometimes and let me learn things without intervening. I have great friends. Sometimes we can all be a pain in the butt to one another but if we are still friend we will weather it.

I was also thinking about the food I wanted to make for Christmas and Thanksgiving, the gifts I wanted to give people for Christmas, Hanukkah, and maybe having a New Years party if Christmas doesn't work out here. My brother and sister in law might have Christmas at their house again, which I would be ok with but I just feel that we are the only child and daughter in law that hasn't hosted a holiday event.

I just feel kinda jealous of Soopers family sometimes because being the new kid i want to disrupt stuff and feel involved. It doesn't matter and is a small details in an entire life but because some of his family may be moving far away soon I want to feel like I made an effort while we were still the the same area. I am also worried that my children won't have as good of a relationship with their grandparents as everyone else before them.

This brought me to think of one of George Carlin's rants on stuff. We all have too much stuff. We have to buy bigger houses for all of our stuff, get sheds, storage units, = all of this to house our stuff. We went through boxes yesterday and I have a donate box, several bags of trash, several boxes of stuff that doesn't fit me, several boxes of winter stuff, and lots of stuff that will be in Sooper's man-cave room (whatever he wants to call it).

The Universe in general is being cooperative. I have a job, for how long I don't know, and don't want to think about. I have a wonderful husband who has endured the last 5 of so years with me and it's been a tough last 2 years and the first two years of our marriage. Someday we will be blessed with children and hope the first two years of their marriages will be better than ours. I hope they have stable jobs and just as loving a husband or wife as Sooper and I are.

I am making pumpkin bread with white chocolate and cinnamon chips. I hope it come out good. I saw it online and fell in love. The only problem I have is that i only needed a 1/2 cup of buttermilk for the bread and now have about 2 1/2 cups of buttermilk and not sure what to make with it. I could make biscuits or pancakes or something but I want something more exotic. lower in carbs, and less breakfasty.

I am now going to do some laundry and eventually make dinner.

Update on Tequila

2009-09-30T13:49:13Z

For those not on Facebook, our dog had a case of HGe.
http://vetmedicine.about.com/cs/dogdiseasesh/a/HGEindogs.htm

He should be fine later today. He has been given fluids and is having small amounts of food given to him through the day. He will need to be on antibiotics for the next 2 weeks but I think he will be fine.

This just means we have to be very careful financially, hopefully get caught up on bills ASAP, and hoping I keep this job for at least a few more weeks. I want to be able to have a good Faire day.

work update and stuff

2009-09-16T18:45:14Z

So my boss told me that this position would be opening up into a permanent position in October and he'd let me know when I could apply online. I will hopefully go through the process and be accepted full time. I found out the woman I was covering for is resigning and will be leaving after this week or next. So I will at least have this job up to or into October.

This job can be hectic or dull as hell but any job can be that way. It's a primo commute, pays well, and I fell like everyone likes and appreciates me. I still make a few mistakes here and there and have questions but they are usually about stuff I haven't encountered yet or learned how to do or haven't been given info about. I've got my feet wet, I might as well jump into the pool.

Sooper and I are planning a hair dying party tonight after tasty chili dinner. I surprised Sooper with gingerbread last night and he really likes it along with my fruitcake. The secret is marinating the fruit for a few days, and the recipe I have makes it all fluffy and not a dense brick of red and green dots.

Wedding stuff is shaping up. Yay! I just need to go to Target and get some earrings and I'm set.

graphic day, and stuff

2009-09-14T01:01:22Z

Yesterday was full of estrogen, chocolate, alcohol, and fun.

Today the dog was full of chocolate, freedom, vomiting, and we were full of worry.
In short, if a 75lb dog consumes half a devil's food cake with chocolate frosting within an hour give them a good glug of peroxide and let them vomit for a few minutes and survival is eminent.

Please send wishes for a good week to Sooper as 5 days out of the last 7 were hella unkind.

That is all.

PS i am sorry about your cats. I hope that they are ok wherever they are. Maybe they will find their way back into your life in the guise of another miracle.

Blah...

2009-09-10T15:57:33Z

I am having a several sided day. On one side I am reflexive and impatient. I need to write down my speech for Emily's wedding as I have yet to do it, also I have to write out the instructions for her dress so I know how to do it up. Also in the final stages of planning the bachelorette party for Sat which I hope will be fun. I hope the guys have fun too.

On another side is just wanting there to be work for me to do today. It has been a very boring week and sort of frustrating. But, I was told I would be taught how to do reports so I can monitor the work tickets still uncompleted and see where they are in the process to completion. I am going to guess most of them are things being built, ordered, or just waiting on other variables to be completed.

I really just want to be in bed sleeping right now, coloring my hair, doing dishes, mowing the lawn, baking, or generally wishing I was home right now to be doing something that will make me feel more productive at the end of the day.

I just have so much on my mind. Some of it I have control over, some not. Sooper and I had another baby talk on Monday and I think we are more on the same page for conception than before. Still need to clean out the room the baby will be in, but we haven't even tried yet so we have plenty of time. I would like to get it more empty by January, that is my goal.

My mothers fiancee went into the hospital to have a shunt put in for some kidney stones on tuesday. Haven't heard back if he's ok yet. I assume if he wasn't I would have heard faster.

Sooper and I will more than likely not be able to go to Horrorfind this year. It makes me sad because I wanted to see Faruza Balk among others. I hope we can go next year.

that is all for now.

inadvertent job security

2009-09-09T19:34:01Z

So my boss John introduced me to three different people this afternoon as the Work Coordinator. He didn't mention anything about me being a temp. This may have been a slip, a nice way of not saying I was a temp, or I'm just looking for any hint that I'm being kept too hard.

It still got my hopes up that I might be kept. I try to take things with a grain of salt and continue to show how awesome and people friendly I can be to them in hopes of being kept. Only time will tell. I really need a job badly especially after the big car fixing we had to do yesterday. I would like to catch-up on bills if possible before I am let go. At least I can then start with fresh debt.

Nonclave was different this year. Not better or worse just different. Even if Peaches hadn't died it still would have been interesting, but for a different reason. I am starting a year plan for Dr. Sweets xp expenditures. Also Sooper and I have developed a combo. I'm excited.

Also I may have posted this before but we got a note on the windshield of our car and apparently our lawn is the disgrace of the neighborhood because our grass is to calf level. OCD Mowers of West Poplar Rd apparently united against us!!!

Poetic and deep thoughted Wednesday.

2009-09-09T11:54:21Z

Today is a day of many things, good, bad, and indifferent.

It comes in like a thief in the night and takes things, leaving others behind.

Making sense of madness and chaos of understanding is the game of the day.

I may have a good day, my friend a bad, and my boss an indeterminate other.

I will accept the day as it comes because I have no other plans than to meet tomorrow.

I wish luck to certain friends on this day. That they will hopefully be healed of discomforts.

this day is fired

2009-09-08T17:00:23Z

This day is a flaming bag of dog poop on the doorstep of my life. I will just let it burn itself out and not stomp on it unless it catches the proverbial house on fire. angry madjulyin is angry.